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Viewings: 5177We all have heard many times that there is only "here and now"that bad to live with the memories, but... you can't ignore our past, especially when it considerably complicates present?
Skeletons in the closet
Despite the well-known proverb, the secret is not always becomes clear. I would say the chances that your secrets are buried together with you, quite high. But before that happens, they can cool to ruin your life. How to be? Clear conscience, publicly confessing all their sins? Not at all. Besides, if you need to get you acquitted, that only means one thing: you are not ready to be responsible for their own actions, that is, today is not able to be the master of your life. I think this situation can hardly be happy, so we have to look for another way out.
First of all, stop blame themselves. Understand this: the ideal people with crystal clear conscience does not exist - each has his own skeletons in the closet. The difference is that one can live with the ghosts of the past" and even force them to work for themselves and others become their slaves.
Of course, the skeletons are different. Someone nights without sleep because of the fact that in third grade offended neighbor's party, and someone feels having a bunch of "sins" (at least, that its deeds are others). You may decide that it depends on the upbringing, the presence or absence of moral principles: lucky someone born shameless - that people live without worries, without feeling any guilt. People say that impudence is happiness... I admit, it happens. But I urge you to become like immoral types and to live by the principle "love yourself, chikhaj at all". Moreover, such people are rarely happy. For us the important thing is to stop being a hostage of its own past, even if, in your opinion, it is very reprehensible.
Let's find out, what exactly are you tormented, again and again makes us feel shame, guilt, to despise himself. What is your most "bad" thing, try to relive the whole range of sensations, to understand why you did it. Figured out? Excellent. And now remember, at that time you could not act otherwise. All that you have done, was predetermined by the existing experience, this lesson was necessary for you to become better, stronger, wiser. Because now you're a whole different person and certainly able to find a more suitable solution. So what are you blame yourself? For what life you learned something?
Suppose in theory you understand everything, but to get rid of unpleasant sediment in the soul and it is not possible. Well, then we will act more radical methods. Take a sheet of paper and describe in detail that episode, which still cannot forgive. Reading your voluntary recognition and try to single out the main idea. What is your story?
About betrayal, cowardice, about lying? Determine the main idea and come up with an appropriate title. Then take a large backpack and put his essay on the bottom. Well, now comes the fun part. Tamp backpack unnecessary heavy objects (if none is found, you can use stones or bricks) and then go for a walk. Feel the weight of your shoulders? Don't stop, move on! When you realize that anymore, make the final leap get to the nearest garbage and there break with his load. I am sure you will feel relieved, feel free man, and you will hardly want once again to take on this burden.
Work above mistakes
Alas, not always we are able to learn the lesson. Often, instead of solving problems, prefer to ignore the traumatic situation. Life becomes calmer, but our chances of success melt away. What wonder: we own hands close up a lot of doors that lead to happiness and well-being. And, what is most annoying, often past failures are utterly worthless, trivial - but no less devastating.
For example, a best friend once took your girl - and now you can't build a close, trusting relationship with either friends or women. Or in the ninth grade you received the Troika for the examination, but knew ticket, and since then, all by hook or by crook try to avoid public speaking. Now, many years later, it all seems insignificant, but after the ill-fated moment life turned into the "wrong" direction. But what to do: and now nothing will change... Who said that? Nothing is impossible, especially if the found "the root of all evil". But it can be difficult. Not everyone is aware, why not add personal life, career, relationships with family. To understand how it all started, let's take an excursion into the past.
So, why are you dissatisfied? For example, can not be promoted. You understand that too shy or passive - but nothing can do about it. Remember and record all the times when you have had a chance to prove themselves - but for some reason you have missed. When was it? Last year, in the last twenty years ago? Sooner or later you get to the episode, after which it went wrong. Yesterday you were confident, but today... Made a mistake, let confuse ourselves, to intimidate, to confuse and since then pay for weakness, if not for the ridiculous coincidence. You know, you've already paid for everything, and, with interest, so it's time to cancel the account.
Imagine that in the very thing you behaved differently: not scared, not offended, did not consider himself a failure. Note: you cannot change the conditions of the problem - but you can find another solution. The teacher will still deliver the Troika, PAL anyway "to beat off" friend " but your reaction may be fundamentally different. And life will be different. How - think for yourself. Look for moves that will lead to the desired final, write a new script, with special attention to details - the thoughts and actions that have made you happy, successful person. Now you know how to realize their dreams, because he got rid of negative experience and gained a positive experience.
When the trees were big...
...The river is clean, the sky is blue, and the people are nice and beautiful. Yes, friends, the ghosts of the past are often very attractive. We with pleasure are immersed in pleasant memories and... overlapped yourself oxygen. For our subconscious such "excursions" means that, firstly, we are dissatisfied with the present, and secondly, we believe that never will be so happy. Otherwise what's the point of nostalgic for my old days? Therefore, as soon as you wanted to buy a ticket in the childhood, youth or other "great time", you say to yourself, "Stop!". This is a sure sign that you are trying to run away from problems. "Golden days" will return only in the imagination, but reality with such an attitude to life may burst at the seams.
You do not want it? And not to distract from everyday Affairs, cease to idealize the past. I am sure that even in the most serene times have you had enough troubles. May now they seem small, but then seemed quite serious. Instead sigh about the past, better remember how easily and gracefully you cope with life's challenges. After all, it is true - otherwise you would have not survived so many pleasant memories. So borrow from ourselves positive experience and move on!
Maxim BESKARAGAI, psychologist
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